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CoppiLane · Feb 3, 2021 1:45 PM

I’ve talked about the problems that have come my way during 2020, and now it seems as though my bad luck has followed me to 2021. The last few times I posted I was a wreck, completely depressed, but now I just feel numb, almost as though It’s just been a dream. Usually when in the situation I'm in I cry and try to work and talk through it, but I haven’t cried even though I feel sad, and occasionally I’ll even forget that it’s happening.

Through borrowing my husbands computer and searching for a site I was on a few days ago, I found out my husband is considering using and is comparing different married and cheating sites. I don’t even know how to handle this mentally, so addressing it is going to be very difficult.
We’ve had conversations recently (under completely different circumstances) where he reminds me how much he loves me, tells me that he’s very happy being with me, so I know it’s not necessarily that he doesn’t love or care for me anymore. We also have a baby together, and I’m a stay at home mom, so it’s not a simple “leave him” situation, on top of the fact that I deeply love him to the point where I don’t think I’d even be able to bring myself to.

I just don’t even know what to do or how to begin mentally processing what’s happening, and I don’t feel comfortable bringing it up until I have really processed it

Seaswell · Feb 4, 2021 2:13 PM

I'm sorry you are struggling. I don't have any useful advice until you are ready to talk to your husband. But I do want you to know I care.

Hugs.

CoppiLane · Feb 5, 2021 7:04 PM

Thank you so much @Seaswell, that really means a lot to me. Unfortunately I am very non confrontational, so I just checked his history again and haven’t seen any other searches regarding it. I know eventually we will have to discuss it, I just want to see if it’s actually a constant thought he has or if it was just a one time thing. I don’t know why but my gut feeling is just telling me it’s nothing, but of course I could just be in denial

Beautifulparadise · Feb 5, 2021 7:12 PM

I am so sorry to hear about this, but I feel like none of us can help you deal with this unless you talk to your husband first. Just see what he says. If you have a gut feeling that its nothing, then it is but just bring it up to him.

Beautifulparadise · Feb 5, 2021 7:13 PM

I mean, has he been acting different in anyway?

CoppiLane · Feb 6, 2021 7:58 PM

@Beautifulparadise no he hasn’t at all. He’s also a pretty frank person when we have conversations and we will occasionally get into hypotheticals on similar subjects to this. As I said before I’m very non confrontational so I have brought it up in a hypothetical situation and he did seem a little surprised when I mentioned it, but assured me he’d never do something like that, that even if we had some sort of arrangement he doesn’t think he could morally. I have a feeling it was just “low place” kind of search and not an actual consideration now. It still doesn’t even feel real, though like it’s not happening. I guess I just felt like I needed to talk about it, I don’t want to tell anyone that we know in person, but just needed to know I have someone to talk to or have some support in this.

BlaxkDiamond · Feb 7, 2021 3:10 PM

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I had to deal with something similar a couple months ago, and there’s nothing quite as painful. You can send me a PM if you want to talk about it.

I read your post a few days ago and didn’t feel like I had anything I should say. But this thought keeping popping into my head every time I get on the game. Has anybody besides you and your husband used that computer recently? Because I could easily see a friend doing a search like that, and not considering the issues it could cause in your marriage. Just a thought.

Beautifulparadise · Feb 7, 2021 4:34 PM

Yeah @BlaxkDiamond I was thinking the same thing.

CoppiLane · Feb 8, 2021 1:58 PM

@BlaxkDiamond I wish that was the case, but based on the date of the search it was a day no one else came to our house (I remember because it was a day we went to a friends house for a birthday dinner)
I will pm you though, I’ve been feeling very alone and it may help me to talk to someone who knows what I’m going through

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