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Amgr1992 · Oct 22, 2020 9:02 AM

I was recently pulled out of work due to high blood pressure, being a fall risk due to the sciatica, and being very uncomfortable in general. We are at 32 weeks 5 days, Wyatt is head down and really low. Im exhausted all the time. I can no longer hold the girls standing up for periods of time, nor am I supposed to be as I'm a fall risk. I'm having trouble with my depression and anxiety and not sleeping more than 2-3 hours a night now. Every time someone asks about the choices me or my boyfriend are making then dont like those choices we get questioned. Mostly me. I said I dont want an epidural because of the high potential for uterine rupture and without it we'd know immediately if something isn't right. I dont like being unable to move due to past trauma. I cried the entire time I was in the delivery room with the girls between the stress, fear, and a bad reaction to the meds they pump you with during the c-section. Every time they ask if that's still what I want they question me. Even knowing everything I went through. Its getting harder and harder. However we got to see Wyatt's little face yesterday. Corey was so antsy! It was the first time he got to be at an ultrasound and its likely my last one. Wyatt was measuring in at 33 weeks 1 day so only a few days ahead! And he's got a full head of hair! And compared to the girls he's looking so chunky!

Ammit · Oct 22, 2020 12:03 PM

Oh sweetie. Hard pregnancy/birth PTSD is so real and so seldom talked about. I had a panic attack and broke down crying because my husband had a doctor's appointment next to the hospital where my girl was born. I wish we could give you more support.

Seaswell · Oct 22, 2020 1:35 PM

Oh hun, I'm praying for your little family so hard. I don't have anything useful to say about end of pregnancy discomfort. I hope you get some restful naps in and remember to keep your fluids up.

SandycreekFarm · Oct 23, 2020 9:06 AM

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. It's got to be rough, having your reasoned choices constantly questioned. Sending you huge cyber hugs: ((( )))

Amgr1992 · Oct 27, 2020 2:23 PM

Thank you guys! Its going to be a rough road but it will get better. My leave was approved through work today. Wyatt is not moving as much as I would like but he has days where he doesn't until around 8 or 9pm so im trying not to stress. Ive got new pain starting that I made the mistake of looking up Google [-X im still not sleeping all that well, but im hoping that will change soon. Its hard to remain active for the sciatica when im constantly lightheaded and feel like ill pass out. I'm working on being more positive with myself and ignore all the "you should do this because its what i would do" advice but its hard when its constant but ill get through it. I love you guys just so you know, I don't have many people I can go to. :x

FallenShadows714 · Oct 27, 2020 4:33 PM

You owe no one any explanations, and if people keep giving you a hard time just don’t answer. It’s no ones business but yours and your doctors, everyone else can just butt out. Don’t answer the texts, and if it comes up in a phone conversation or real conversation just say “I’m not discussing the particulars with anyone right now”.

With the sciatic pain, I feel like I went through a truckload of icy hot cream. That was the only thing that seemed to help at all. I’m not sure of your restrictions, but drinking cold juice always helped when my kiddos stopped moving a lot (orange juice worked well).

The thing to keep in mind, is you are allowed to change your mind when it comes to delivery (except scheduling a c-section, that they need to be able to schedule in advance). But you can say right now you don’t want the epidural, and then 4 hours into labor decide you want it and that’s fine....and again it’s no ones business or decision but yours.

I’m sending you all the hugs and love, and praying for some rest and less stress for you. Can’t wait to see photos of Wyatt when he makes his appearance.

Amgr1992 · Oct 27, 2020 5:25 PM

Thank you FallenShadows! I cant wait to share him with everyone! I have to be careful with icy hot because I have an allergy to capcasin which is commonly used as the heating agent, I have to get more lidocaine patches but they only helped slightly. I am trying to remember I can change my mind whenever I want, we are trying to avoid another c-section though! Its hard enough to keep up with the girls! I've started keeping the choices out of conversations to help prevent the backlash!

Seaswell · Oct 28, 2020 3:01 AM

Good for you! Your birth plan and parenting choices are up to you and your hunny and your doctors. Advice can be asked for if you need it.

Take some time to enjoy your girls before that bump gets here. You'll feel better for it. Rooting for you from afar.

BestFriend · Oct 30, 2020 7:10 PM

Keeping you in my prayers.

Amgr1992 · Nov 1, 2020 1:06 PM

Thank you guys! I am truly grateful that I have you all! I lost a lot of my friends when I had kids and a lot of my family doesn't talk to me because I cut my mother out of my life because I couldn't deal with her bs anymore. His family doesn't understand what I'm going through with my health issues so its hard!

Seaswell · Nov 1, 2020 5:29 PM

You got this Momma!

Honestly, as long as Ammit keeps me addicted to this game, I'll keep praying that everyone in this community has the strength to get through the day. Everyday.

I know things get hard this close to the end. And it's extra hard with young twins ruling your life while you do it. Please let yourself slack off.

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