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I would inform her politely that you had given them an exception earlier by saying their children could come(even though you didn’t want children at your wedding originally) and, she had previously informed you that they were not coming. Since she had informed you they were not coming; other arraignments were made. They cannot change their mind now and come since seating has already been made final. You originally didn’t want children at the wedding and you’re sorry but changing her mind and expecting you to cater to her isn’t fair to you. You have enough to worry about without somebody constantly changing their mind and demanding you fit their plans; it’s your wedding. You’re sorry they can no longer come, but you can’t unitive anybody now so you can have extra seats for their children.

I just went to a wedding with a similar situation. My husband’s brother was getting married and the chapel they selected was tiny. I mean smaller than a hotel room tiny. So only immediate family and wedding party were allowed in. No children were allowed to the wedding either. I did not count as immediate family, and my husband’s nephew was excluded because of his age. So we sat in the car during the ceremony. It was their wedding so in my mind they can have their little quirks; I’m sure something at my wedding was just as quirky. We had lots of fun at the reception with them later that night.
So in my opinion you at least tried allow them to come, it’s their own fault for bringing wishy washy. Someone else will probably have a much nicer way to put it, I tend to be blunt. I hope you guys can get this resolved peacefully.

Perfect

@IndianaRanch I don't really like kids, I have a particular disinterest in disrespectful and ferel children, his nieces are that kind of child. He is family oriented, I am not. He has 2 kids from previous relationships and has even agreed it would be nicer and more peaceful for it to be adults only. The only exception is my brother who has autism, but he'll be 17 ¼ so nearly an adult. A friend of mine who is invited has already said he's going to be my door supervisor and if their name isn't down they're not going in.

@Peninsula that is a very good way to put it. Not laying the blame on any one thing and just letting it be a mix up. A lot more tactful then anything I would come up with. Lol.

Aww

At the end of the day it's your wedding and your choice. Be damned to all that want to oppose that. Dont be upset if you tread on feelings as it sound like they obviously arent upset they are stomping all over yours.
My wedding I had 7 people there.
My priestess and her husband, our two witnesses and their spouses and Dave's son who showed up the night before so we just included him.
Our parents wernt even invited. Why... cause it's not what we wanted.

They have 3 month and other family members who aren't invited to the ceremony have already said they can look after them for the 30 minute ceremony. We've even said they're not excluded from the photographs afterwards. I just put a public status up on fb saying (not these exact words) that people need to remember that a wedding isn't about them (unless it's their wedding) and if the couple decide something it's not for anyone to go against that decision or try and be petty because of it.

Thank you @Morsebrat87

My mother in law invited 5 or 6 people to our wedding that neither my husband nor myself knew. Our wedding was at a public conservation area on a hill overlooking the lake, so there were a few people that showed up to use the area. We told them there was a wedding and asked if they could use the other side until we were done and they were welcome to join us for food afterwards (my dad smoked way to much meat!), they were all understanding. It was rather awkward seeing people pull up practically to the altar, informing them there was a wedding here and them saying "yeah, we're invited". :/
In my opinion, weddings (and birthdays) bring out the truth in people. Don't be surprised if these people pull other unsavory antics whenever they think they can get away with it.
I've since confirmed my suspicions that my MIL is evil incarnate and we've practically cut ties with her for various things she's pulled.

But i wouldn't worry about them. Your friend /doorkeeper will handle that. Just focus on your spouse to be and the friends/ family that do choose to celebrate with you. Wishing you all the best!

@Haltanny it definitely shows how little they care about my partner.

Positive update! My mam has booked a drag act to crash the wedding