HGG Community Forums

HunterUnderSaddleGirl · Aug 8, 2019 5:46 PM

I get my mare back in about 4 weeks after an 8-month long lease! So excited for that part.

However, that is, of course, bringing complications, and therefore drama. Part of the reason I had to lease her out is we got kicked out of our nice 3 bedroom house we were renting in January. But right now there is an enormous housing boom in my city right now. So we are paying almost twice what we were for a one-bedroom apartment. At the same time this was going on a lady that was friends with my trainer said she needed a big english type horse that she could lease so she could get her muscles going so she could ride her 2YO who was off to training at the world show. (Coincidentally Lexi's niece). So it was decided that mom would get on her feet financially again and lease my girl for a few months. It was a "month to month" lease, but I just assumed we would get her back in September because that is when the world show is. But we were supposed to have 60 days notice, and we never heard anything until 2 days ago. My mom's panicking and saying that she has no money. But I thought she was supposed to be saving up this entire time? But either way, I'm technically an adult now and so its probably my problem.

Of course I dealt with it, and largely didn't let it show how much it was affecting me to not have my girl, but I made the best of it. There was a misunderstanding with my trainer, and I think she said something that got misinterpreted the wrong way. Historically when I've been horseless she's not only let me ride other horses, but has BOUGHT horses for me. But this time I would get done cleaning pens, and she wouldn't offer a ride, so I didn't assume. Then I was going to Ireland, so I started taking jumping lessons with a different trainer, and didn't go to Carlas for months, and didn't talk to her, and she didn't talk to me. Well coincidentally I went over there a few days ago, and she let me ride 3 horses. So now I feel like I've wasted the past 8 months, and could have been a happier person riding more all of this time.

So anyways, back to my main point. I'm heading to college in 12 days...., and my girl comes back home just in time for me to not be there..... I was assuming that she would just go back to Carla's. Mom says she doesn't want her in a 12x12 box stall again. (That's another side story I don't know how to weave in here and still make it coherent). But long story short, we had soundness issues with her in a stall, but she's been in a HUGE mare motel type thing, and has been perfectly sound. So I'm like ok, what about the "In and outs" (detached stalls outside with a 12x12 paddock type thing attached to the stall). Then she says she can't really afford that. So she wants to take Lexi to her BF's house. Which I have been fantasizing about having a horse at my house for years, but I don't really know if its the correct option. Her BF and her have been going well lately, but I still don't think it's a good stresser to put on them right now. (Added sidenote, he's also our veterinarian, how much better than that can you get?). But he already has 3 retired horses, and my girl doesn't get along with ANY horses. Lane has said previously that he ONLY wants 3 horses on his property. Ever. And it feels disrespectful to me that Mom would nag him to get another horse anyways. She said that she would set up a panel fence for her, and it would be fine. (Lane has a huge pasture that his horses are in). Our neighbors have also offered to have a home for her before, but I don't know if that's any better. Finally, that feels disrespectful to Carla. Kinda like I would be giving up my "Carla's Club Membership" if that makes any sense.

Then there's the final option take her with me to college. Which is quite expensive. There are 12x12 mare motel type thing with panel fencing. Again worried about my girl biting/kicking her neighbor, although Carla thinks she would be fine. But its 400$/month, and that doesn't include anything else besides feed and blankets. 500$ for a stall. (I think with 12x12 paddock attached). Additional 150$ if I want turnout. She said that she might have half lease options there too.

Home is only 2 hours from my college, and the way my schedule it I could leave on Friday midday and comeback Monday midday. But the roads are dangerous in good weather (2 lane road with some windy), and really dangerous in any bad weather. (Snow and ice). I feel confident that if I managed myself I would be good at doing schoolwork. All through high school I was NEVER able to do homework at either house. Mom acted weird, and if I told Dad I was too busy to do something with him, then he would just talk with me for longer than the thing we would have done anyways! So basically I would come up to see my horse, and who knows about homework. If I took her to college then I could probably manage my time, and still have the emotional release I need, but then who knows if I would go home at all! I (think) I have enough money saved for a year without working. But if I need to afford my horse then I would have to work. Which would use up the time that I would have my horse in the first place. I could potentially half lease at college too, but its mostly a hunter jumper barn. My girl LOVES to jump, but again am worried about soundness issues, and I was planning on only jumping her a little bit, and would rather not have someone else use her up. Although at college I could keep her fitted up just fine. At home I don't know if I would make it up once a month, or every weekend. Mom says she would "maybe ride once a week". Which it seems silly to me, because we used to drive a half hour one way 5x a week to ride, and now we moved to be within 10 minutes of Carlas, and she trying to convince me that its too much out of her way and that's why she needs to be at Lanes.

So maybe half lease at Carla too, and there's even a girl I had the idea might work for, but that's so complicated I don't even know how to describe that either.

Sorry this all makes no sense. There's like 3 or 4 different layers with all of this going on, and I don't know what to do.

HTRanch · Aug 8, 2019 6:32 PM

(Oops! Disregard)

HTRanch · Aug 8, 2019 6:34 PM

So from what you have mentioned recently, you said you were majoring in engineering? That particular course of study has A LOT of homework attached. Like, I barely ever see engineering students outside of their study groups. I was pretty studious/responsible with my homework in high school, but college was a whole new ball game for me (and I'm not a STEM major). Assignments are much more challenging, and take longer to do. For example, I probably only wrote 2-3 page papers in high school. Now I write 2-4 6 page essays a week.

On top of schoolwork, I would think about where the money to keep Lexi with you would be coming from. I work 7-10 hours a week while in school, on top of 15-17 credit hours. That's about all I personally can handle in a day before coming home to start homework at 7pm when my roommates are already finishing their work for the day and ready to hang out. I would love to have my horse at school with me, but as my life there stands now, I just don't have time.

I'm not saying you shouldn't take Lexi to college, but I do think college is a big transition in routine that you should give yourself space to process for.

If it's helpful, make a calendar of what you think your week might look like at school. How many hours will you spend on class time, homework, a job, Lexi, etc? Don't forget time spent sleeping, lol :) Having that visual in front of you might help you make a decision on what you have the time to manage.

Good luck at school, and I hope you come to a decision you can have peace with!

FeldingFields · Aug 8, 2019 7:02 PM

So, if you don't know how you would pay for her board, I would have to advice not taking her to school, at least the first year. Your network is at your home, and if something happens, people such as Carla may be able to work with you in a way that people who don't know you at school may not be willing to.

I also feel like boarding at the vet/mom's boyfriend's house might not be the best idea. Not to be the Debbie Downer, but...what if they break up? You may end up with less than 24 hours to move your horse while you're two hours away and have college class/homework/tests. Also, if your mum is thinking she'd only be out there once a week to ride... is she going to be willing to set up the fencing, move the fencing if the paddock gets overgrazed, etc.? If you do want to do this option, I would suggest you approach Lane as your vet, not as your mom's bf, and have some idea of what you'd be willing to pay for pasture board, graining (assume you want her grained), holding for vet/farrier, blankets on and off, etc. That would make it a slightly more formal relationship independent of your mother and Lane dating. Wouldn't solve all problems but it may help. He may be more willing to take on a fourth horse if he knows it's just for the four years you're college versus a lifetime/indefinite commitment. And if the pasture is big enough, your mare may learn to get along with the other horses without being divided from them.

I personally might try to have her leased out at Carla's place, so there'd be someone to keep an eye on her. Then as you meet people and build relationships at college, you may be able to get your mare leased/half-leased near your college next year. Especially if you're only on a half-lease, you can make conditions that "Lexi can only be jumped X days a week to X height."

-----
Also, as an aside, if the lease is written and has a clause about the 60 days notice, you may be able to get the lessor to pay for two months of board/lease fee. It may end up being more trouble than its worth but that might help smooth transitions a bit. If it was just a verbal "let us know before you send her back" sort of thing, you have less ground to stand on.

I will also fully confess I have no idea what a "mare motel" is, so my answer is independent of that knowledge.

HunterUnderSaddleGirl · Aug 9, 2019 2:10 AM

@HtRanch. Yes, I totally agree. A schedule sounds genius. Problem is I don't really know how much work time I am going to need. Compared to everyone I have ever known I am a fast worker, but yes - engineering degree.

@FeldingFields. Yes, I think Carla would for sure work with me. And I kinda thought that leaving her at Lanes was not the best idea (only pro being it's slightly safer to ride off the property here). But mom was insistent on the idea! They've been together a year, but it's been rocky....

A mare motel is basically pens stuck together with a shade over the top of all of them. The lady who leased her at a really nice one. It was huge, and they could see each other, but it was metal with 2inch squares all the way up so she couldn't hurt anyone. The one at college is dingy...

I sent an email asking the manager of the stables at colleges if she had any ideas for a half lease for Lexi (following up when I met her in person 6 weeks ago) After Mom got off from work she met me at Carla's, and we talked about maybe one of the other outside pens. They are panel but are 24x24 maybe? Maybe 24x36. They also have three sided shelters. Mom was kinda driving me crazy and being wishy washy. We were talking about how it would be a good option (because Carla and I both know that Mom will probably not come out and ride). Finally I got firm (almost rude, but oh well) and I was like, "yes I think that is what we SHOULD do!". That finally seemed to settle it. Carla says that Lexi hasn't been 100% sound at Laura's that she did the same thing she did here. (Its really a long and complicated story, but basically she always walks out of the stall or pen sore, but will eventually warm up sound). So basically she thinks I shouldn't jump her at all. ( I SWEAR I have a jumping curse, but that's a story for another day).
There's a little girl that is a very good rider that was riding my Mom's old horse in walk trot. She's ready to move up to 13+under, and needs a nicer horse. She, like me, prefers the english, but they are starting to try and get her to ride a western pleasure mare. I don't understand why she can't ride Lexi. I know her mom was considered about Lexi being too big or something, but there was a kid who was a very poor rider who rode Lexi bitless, and she was perfect. But ultimately Carla said she would think about tsomeone to halflease her, but she mostly has super duper beginner riders, and thinks that an intermediate rider would be more suitable.

So overall, I THINK i am happy with this. I will wait to hear back from lady at other stable. Lexi will be in a bigger pen so its not the end of the world if she doesn't get out all of the time. Although I am worried that I will feel obligated to come back every weekend because I don't think that Mom will ride her, and that ultimately will be a bigger damper on time then if she just did go with me.

HTRanch · Aug 9, 2019 2:27 AM

For time spent on classes, I have no idea about engineering, but a good rule of thumb for me is to take your credit hours and double them. add more hours if it's a reading heavy class. So, if I had 15 credit hours in a semester, I would spend approximately 30 hours a week on classes and homework combined. I definitely spent double my credit hours on homework my freshman year. Now I'm going into my senior year and have a better handle on how to streamline assignments (...or just cram them), so it takes me less time.

I'm glad you were able to figure something out! Having my horse in a secure situation being watched over by someone I trust takes such a weight off my shoulders for me personally!

HunterUnderSaddleGirl · Aug 9, 2019 2:52 AM

Why is Mom making this so hard? Now she's back to being wishy washy about Carla's. We've known Carla for 10 years now! When mom started dating Lane she started being really rude to me, and Carla stood up for me, and apparently their relationship is damaged? Or maybe its something like I started driving and Mom never came out to the barn again? But either way, Mom is feeding me this nonsense of "A production to go out there". If she goes after work it is literally one BLOCK out of her way! Then she is like "And being scrutinized" WTH? She's a trainer, what is she supposed to do look the other way? Normally its nice to get free advice! (to be fair I've felt that too, I feel like I'm in trouble if I go to fast on Lexi). Her final complaint is simply its more money for her to be there than at home. But I still think Lane's is a bad idea. He seems upset today. And I don't know if it's us or work. I kinda think we need to go to our apartment and give him space. (Also no shade). Our neighbors offered again, but Mom and I are both worried Lexi would hurt the goats. Or we would feed her and all the food would go to the goats!

BlaxkDiamond · Aug 9, 2019 4:42 AM

Ok who is paying for Lexi to stay at Carla’s You or your mom?
Because if you’re the one paying for Lexi to be at Carla’s it’s ultimately your decision, and not your Mom's. Which standing up to a parent is terribly hard to do, but is sometimes necessary. If you aren’t paying for her to stay there completely on your own, my advice is to find a way to do it yourself. It seems Carla is somebody you trust a lot, I know I wouldn’t want my horse with anybody I didn’t trust a ton. Anywhere else will probably cause you a ton of stress that you don’t need.

At Carla’s will she be completely taken care of if your mom never shows up? Feed, water, ect.
If Lexi will be taken care of (besides exercise) I’d just tell my mom not to worry about my horse.

HunterUnderSaddleGirl · Aug 9, 2019 5:24 AM

Problem is I don't know. The more I push the more it's like I will need to pay. But then the next minute if I keep my grades up then she'll pay for it. I think being able to pay for her myself would be good for a lot of reasons. Get into the habit of working, and have some work experience to have on my resume.

Yes, Carla is like a 2nd mom to me (well 3rd in my case). But there was some scary time or something a few years back. I don't know if Mom had to leave or something, and she said that she would adopt me!

Yes, she will be 100% taken care of at Carlas. Although I don't wish to assume anything, I wouldn't even be surprised if she snuck her on the hot walker for me. When Lexi was in the barn she got 2 meals a day and always had hay in front of her. All of the horses looked like a million bucks. She also had a set of 3 blankets that would be used in whatever combination needed for the weather. Now outside they get different feed, and less personalized, and I don't know if I will have to pay extra for blankets, but all of the horses look really good. So long story short yes - completely trust Carla, and Lexi will be 100% taken care of.

Seaswell · Aug 9, 2019 9:32 AM

When I was in college I worked security at a desk. Gave me time to get in my reading when it was slow, and still afford to be a mom. I imagine horse mom is no different. Don't be afraid to think outside the box when it comes to school jobs, some things are worth more than a experience bullet point. Sounds like removing mom from horse care, and letting her reward good grades somewhere else in the budget might be a good idea.

Ultraviolet · Aug 9, 2019 2:19 PM

Since you're going to be doing engineering I think this is drama you're going to want to avoid to ensure your success. :( Your focus will need to be on school for sure. My husband is a chemical engineer and four of our friends also went through engineering school with him. They practically lived in the library because they were required to take 18+ credit hours every semester and during the summers they did internships with 40 hour weeks so that way they could get great jobs coming out of school. They had free time to play ultimate frisbee or volleyball outside of their dorm two or three times a week and that was it. But, if you make it through (and you've been a good student throughout your program) you will almost certainly get a great job and will never have to worry about how you can pay for your horse again! It sounds like it would be helpful if you could keep her with your trainer and if you find someone to lease-great! And if you don't, at least you know she's in a place with a trusted individual and she won't be neglected. As far as jobs, engineering students have the potential to land high-paying internships once they've gotten through the first year so that could help you pay for your mare's board. I have to agree that you should not count on your mom for anything horse related. If you want to keep Lexi it might be time to think seriously about how you're going to care for her yourself. I knew lots of girls in college who were able to do just that so it's definitely possible. It might be difficult while getting an engineering degree but you seem like a very level-headed individual so I'm sure you will get everything worked out great! Best of luck to you as you start school. >:D<

HunterUnderSaddleGirl · Aug 10, 2019 4:35 PM

My step sister worked in the computer lab, and she only had to do something when someone needed help so she got a lot of time for homework as well.

@Ultraviolet May I ask what your husband does now? Does he like it? Would he get that degree again? One of the advisors at the college recommended working with the teacher's research, but I don't know i fthey would want a freshman.

I got a reply from the stables near the college. She was very polite, and said that they would love to have me. They do have some lease people come up, and might be able to let her work off some of her board with lessons, but ultimately they don't know what if any options might work unless they saw her in person. But I don't want to take her up there unless I know of a lease option, so that kinda leaves us at an impasse. Next weekend both Carla, and the lady currently leasing Lexi will be going to a horse show in the same city as my college, so if I wanted a free ride up there for her I would have to decide now.

Thank you everyone. I always appreciate everyone's thought out responses here. Sometimes it's so chaotic with pressures coming from all around here its good to take a deep breathe, get it off my chest, then have someone come back with good thoughts.

Ultraviolet · Aug 11, 2019 11:08 PM

@HunterUnderSaddleGirl He is now doing consulting work for an engineering company that specializes in automating gene therapy technologies. He almost dropped out of the schooling twice but made it through and now he loves his job. He said he would do it again but it is important to note that he ended up getting his masters in engineering management rather than just straight engineering because he wanted his graduate work to be a little easier lol. He's only been out of undergrad for 2 years and already has a job he loves so engineering school work out really great. Meanwhile I have been in school for the same amount of time and I am not ready to get into my career-I still have another 3 or 4 years which stinks. I hope you will like it and thrive! Definitely look into the internships and look into getting into research. My husband and his friends all started doing biomedical engineering research as freshmen (second semester) and it gave them a huge advantage compared to their classmates. The key is to keep it balanced but most professors won't make you work too many hours because they need you to make good grades lol. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that everything will work out the way it should with Lexi. Try to keep as relaxed about it as possible and be brave about reaching out for opportunities-both with the barn at your school and with your professors/college staff in the future! I can tell you're going to do great!

HunterUnderSaddleGirl · Aug 17, 2019 10:29 PM

:0! That sounds like exactly what I want to do. I guess I need to look up what biomedical engineering is What I thought it was is not something I want to do, but gene therapy sounds amazing.

So I thought that this whole ordeal was sorted with Lexi. Go to Carla's, get settled at school and go from there. Then all of a sudden (long story), but Mom wanted to get her nice panels back from our friend. Ok, whatever. Then she brings up bringing Lexi to Lane's house again. Again, I say well Carla and I are planning for her to go over there. A little while later when we're about to head out it's obvious that Mom has been crying. I thought there was a small chance it was me, (she had gotten mildly frustrated at me that morning), but thought it was unlikely. Well apparently Lane had finally said "No" to Lexi coming. Good for him. (Theres 3 different sides to the story previously on whether or not he had said no previously). But whatever. So then Mom brought up the wanting to have a horse she can go out and brush and feed carrots, and hop on and ride. Then she brought up Carla being "critical and judgemental" again. Then she brought up taking her to the neighbors again. *facepalm.

Seaswell · Aug 18, 2019 10:11 AM

Your mom is being a mom about to loose her kid. As a mom who recently did this cut her a little slack. Just remind her you've got it handled.

HunterUnderSaddleGirl · Aug 18, 2019 2:45 PM

True. My whole life I’ve been really close to my Mom. I’m her only biological kid.

HunterUnderSaddleGirl · Aug 21, 2019 1:34 AM

Whelp. Just got dropped off. Was doing super good. Then my step mom got to crying. Then I did. Then my Mom did. But they wanted to get back before dark so they just headed out.

Members log in here:
Username:
Password:
By hitting the above you signify that you agree with our rules and conditions.
Forgot your password?

HGG Community Forums

Join our discord server!

Howdy, Stranger!

Categories

In this Discussion

Join our discord server!

Ammit will be on vacation Sept. 12 through Sept. 14

Enlarge Your Pastures