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HunterUnderSaddleGirl · Feb 5, 2021 4:17 PM

I have to admit I think this story is very terrible. It was slapped together from one of my fantasies of a novel I wanted to write squished to less pages the night before it was due as extra credit assignment... However I still think it has some interesting things to it? And unfortunately its a more accurate depiction of my current writing ability. If you have the desire I did allow anyone with the link to edit if you have ideas on how to make it longer or more readable. Or anything else you'd want to change. I can see the edit history and keep what I want!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DabCuZw_h7HNsUONYgshcdgUptdJCqomyiENhwrtUyI/edit?usp=sharing

Thank you for sharing my hobby with me! I haven't really found anyone in my family or friends that really want to share with me.

BlaxkDiamond · Feb 7, 2021 9:02 PM

Too me it looks like the foundation of what could be a really interesting story. I really liked it. And despite what you said I don’t feel comfortable editing or adding to it. It’s your idea and world. My ideas won’t work in your world.

That said here are some things I noticed, mostly because I just had to deal with them in my own story. I think it’s rather rushed which is expected when you’re rushing to complete a project or get the words down on paper before you forget your ideas. I’m guilty of the second. It doesn’t seem like you have a clear crisis mind to be solved. I’d also like to see more of their world, their life, problems.

Edit. I’ve been up for 19 hours so if that is choppy I apologize.

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