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Big hugs to you, first of all, and I am deeply sorry for your losses. We lost my grandfather last August, and it was extremely hard. The worst part was he passed while on vacation unexpectedly, so it was an absolute disaster trying to get him home from Florida to Maryland. I live in West Virginia, and because of all the uncertainty of when things would be taken care of was unable to attend the funeral. It was almost as if it hadn’t happened, and he was just unable to communicate, until I went home to Maryland in May for my sisters wedding and was able to visit the grave. It just hit me, and I lost it, like it was finally real. Normally I can shut the grief away to be strong for others, but my poor grandmother had to be strong for me that time, so I completely understand what you are going through. You just have to let yourself be a mess, to allow yourself to grieve. Every loss hits us differently, and there is no right way to handle it. The only thing that got me through it was knowing he was in a better place, and not suffering anymore. My grandfather had been diagnosed with cancer early last year, and while it hadn’t gotten bad yet it still wasn’t easy. He contracted pneumonia right before they left for their trip (like the day before, he had already been cleared to go on the trip and just had a cough the day they left) and that compounded on top of a compromised immune system from the cancer was too much for him to overcome.

I like to think of these things as, when something bad happens, something good normally follows. About a month after my grandfather passed, this adorable stray tiger stripe female cat turned up outside the house, and adopted me. She was skinny, and had obviously had it rough, but she crawled right into my lap and almost sighed. She’s now a feisty little thing, and while she refuses to come in the house she greets me every morning, follows me everywhere I go outside, and sits on the railing as night falls. And we no longer have any mouse problems :)

FallenShadows and Seaswell, thank you for the support it means a ton to me. I am feeling better today.